The Jersey Report

Hummers are for Jerks

2006-09-02T21:47:00.000-04:00

There have been a lot of these stupid Hummer commercials on TV recently. One has two moms where one mom is a big jerkoff and cuts in front of another mom so her kid can go down the slide. So mom two is pissed of people taking advantage of her (husband, kid, dog, government and that damn Polish woman at the grocery store oh how she loathes her!). What does mom two do you ask? She goes and buys………a Hummer. Not a bat to smash mom one’s forehead in or a gun to blow the annoying kid away but a Hummer. WHY?!?!

If she’s tired of being pushed around by others shouldn’t she go on some sort of homicidal rampage? Nope. Just buying a very large SUV thanks. Now she’s a slave to the oil companies, the Middle East and of course the Bush Admin. But most of all it proves my theory: if you buy a Hummer you’re a jerk.

Creepy McWeirdo

2006-08-28T19:50:00.000-04:00

Would you buy a used car from this man?

Have you seen all this stuff about John Mark Karr? Its doing a really good job distracting people from all the other problems in the world. So he's apparently not guilty of murdering JonBenet. Ok, that's fine. What about all the other creepy shit he did? The coppers might want to hold on to him for a little bit.

Donald Trump was pretty accurate when he said "Guilty or innocent they should throw this guy off a building." Damn straight.

In beer related news MGDs still kinda suck. The bottle, as usually the case, except with Bud and PBR, is better then the can. I have no idea why this is.

Boston Stranglers

2006-08-22T23:57:00.000-04:00

Wow. Who else saw the Red Sox’s playoff chances get murdered live and on TV! That was some of the worst baseball pitching I’ve seen ever. It looked like some little leaguer tossing watermelons at a ‘roided up Mark McGuire. It wasn’t even really watchable…unless you wanted to see the Sox get pounded. And I don’t want to hear this BS about Manny getting on base. He was walked 9 times yes, but 5 were intentional. So they could pitch to some ex-Mr. Softee Ice Cream Truck driver named Kevin Youkilis.

Get used to this look fans of Boston baseball.

Anyway, at least the Mets beat up on the Rockies that was pretty nice. And its August so the politicos down in DC are giving us a break from their “How can we mess up the Middle East some more guys?”